sayshazam | For Korra and Steph

For Korra and Steph

Alex was gone. One minute she was there and the next... not. They were talking and she had ducked into the kitchen to get something and there was just silence. When he looked in to check on her she just... wasn't there. There wasn't any time for her to even duck out the window or anything. One second she was there and the next... no Alex.

Billy had been in Darrow long enough to know that weird stuff happened. Which is why the first the he had done was turn into Shazam and check out the immediate area. Then he used every spell he could think of (which mostly consisted of shouting nonsense words followed by "bring back Alex") to find out what happened to her.

School had been completely forgotten as was hanging out with Steph after classes and his training with Korra later in the evening. All Billy had been able to think about was finding Alex. She couldn't be gone, she couldn't because Billy needed her. Alex was the one that had convinced him to be her roommate. She was the one that kept reaching out to him and befriending him. She was the one that had made him care about her.

And now she was gone and it wasn't fair! It wasn't fair because she made Billy think it was okay to get close to people and now she had left him just like everyone always did. He had been right, he couldn't count on people to stay because they just left you. They left you and they didn't take their dog and now he had two dogs and an apartment he couldn't afford on his own and-

"And I wish I had never met her!" he shouted into the empty apartment. Maybe if he screamed it loud enough he would actually believe it. Then maybe it wouldn't hurt so much.

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A day off school is no big deal but that, plus not answering her calls or texts, and also blowing off hanging out in the afternoon with no notice? That is not typical Billy Batson behavior. Steph considers going straight to his apartment and see if he's there--maybe he's still here, maybe he just fell in the shower and broke a hip or something--but then decides to call Korra to see if Billy showed up for their training session. If, for whatever reason, Billy's fine but just avoiding her...well, Steph can deal with that. Pissed off boyfriend is much preferable to injured or dead or disappeared boyfriend.

When Korra hasn't seen him either, Steph is officially worried. She's waiting at the bottom of the building for Korra to arrive, so they can go check his apartment together. If he has disappeared into thin air...Steph doesn't want to have to find that out alone.

Korra has never really been known as the most punctual person, but even she feels bad for how late she happens to be in meeting Steph by Billy's apartment complex. There are few things that shake her more in Darrow than the threat of a disappearance, and the last thing that she wants to do is dawdle in finding out if anyone's truly gone, but she can't exactly head out of the house on a whim. With Atka still being too young for Korra to feel comfortable leaving him at a nursery, Korra spends all morning trying to calm him down from his crying, wrapping him tightly around her in his carrier and heading carefully out of the door.

By the time she makes it to Steph, Atka's crying has probably alerted the other woman of Korra's arrival.

"Hey, sorry for being late. This little guy's been upset all day," Korra says with a slightly shaky breath, brushing her hair out of the way. "Have you gone up yet? Any word from Billy?"

It's hard not to be impatient when all she wants to do is rush up there and kick the door down, but that's the kind of impulsive tendency that got her in so much trouble back home. Which...ended up starting a gang war, so, you know, she's trying to work on it. So Steph sits on the stoop and tries to work on her meditative breathing, which doesn't help calm her down but at least keeps her from pacing.

But she still leaps to her feet as soon as she hears Korra and Atka coming. "Hey! No- you're fine." Atka looks pretty cute with his screwed-up little sad face, but that crying probably gets old quick. "I haven't heard anything. So...guess we'll just go up and knock, then go from there?"

Korra tries to keep the cringe from crossing her face, though she thinks that Steph might be observant enough to have noticed it. That moment of fear, that instant of uncertainty. She's lost so many people in the city already that Korra thinks if she loses someone else, she's liable to scream. Instead, she breathes, patting Atka's back instinctively as he starts to whimper and settle down.

"Yeah, I guess knocking is the only option," she agrees, biting on her lower lip. "I'm sure he's there, this isn't the first time that Billy's acted, you know. Weird."

Her words don't come out nearly as confident as she wanted.

"Exactly! That Billy, a total weirdo." Steph says with an enthusiastic nod, as though she's not kind-of insulting her boyfriend. But whatever, she'll feel bad about it when he's safe and sound and not mysteriously disappeared.

Like Jason had, or Mina, or- nope nope nope. Not going down the sad worried path.

When they get to the door to Billy's place, Steph glances to Korra once for reassurance then raps sharply at the door.

Billy didn't really hear the knock on the door until the dogs started barking at him. He didn't want to answer it, didn't want to do anything but just sit on the couch. Maybe if he just sat there long enough everyone would go away and then there wouldn't be anymore people to lose.

Except the dogs wouldn't shut up and eventually they came over and whined at him. Actually sad and worried dog faces were the worst. If he didn't answer the door they would just keep looking at him like that and Billy wasn't sure he could handle that.

Pushing himself up off the couch he wiped at his eyes, surprised to find that he'd been crying. How long had he done that for and when did he stop? Shaking his head he moved to the door and unlocked it before shuffling back over to the couch.

"Come in, the doors unlocked," he said, hoping whoever it was could hear his mumble. Or maybe they wouldn't and they'd just go away.

"Did you hear that? I think I heard something," Korra says, quickly stepping forward until she's practically pressed against the door. If nothing else, the barking of the dogs is heartening. People disappear under pretty unpredictable circumstances, but Korra's pretty sure that pets aren't really left behind unless there's some certainty that people will come to check up on them.

Without waiting, she turns the doorknob and pushes it open, taking a couple of steps inside and spotting Billy at once, sprawled out on the couch. Relief floods over her in an instant, a deep sigh passing through her lips as she glances over to meet Steph's gaze with a grin.

Knowing that Steph's probably been even more worried than Korra herself, she stands to the side, giving Steph ample room to run ahead and shake their friend for worrying them so deeply.

Her heart catches when she sees Billy, like the full rush of all that worry and fear that he might be gone only hit now that she knows he's safe. She manages a shaky kind of smile at Korra even if she mostly wants to punch Billy and then hug him and maybe cry a little.

She...doesn't do any of that. Instead she comes to stand in front of Billy, hands on her hips to keep from reaching out for him even though she wants to. Because she knows that he's not always the touchy-feely type, and now is a time to try to make him feel better instead of worse. Something is already obviously wrong.

"What's happened? We were freaking out." Then, because the expression on Billy's face hurts her heart and Steph always favors bad jokes in the face of heartache, adds. "Look at Atka, you nearly gave him a baby heart attack."

Atka, for his part, is devoting all his attention to sucking on his fingers and seems neutral on the subject of Billy's abject misery.

Billy should have been happy to see Steph, Korra, and Atka. They were the three people he cared most about in Darrow but somehow that only made it worse, becuase he had to admit that they were going to leave him too. He just- he just didn't know if he could keep doing this, keep losing people. Since arriving here he'd become so much more open and accepting but now he just... it didn't seem worth it.

"Alex is gone," he said, unable to even lift his head to look up from the floor. If he looked up and saw Steph worried about him he just might lose it. "She was just in the kitchen one second and the next she's just... gone. Just like Frigga. Like all the foster families and my parents and just... they all leave."

Billy took a shuddering breath and told himself he wouldn't cry. Not in front of Steph and Korra. He hated this, it hurt so much less when he didn't care, when he didn't get close to anyone.

Somehow, that was the one thing that never crossed Korra's mind. That someone else might have disappeared. Someone else who mattered as much to Billy as Naruto had to Korra — someone whose disappearance would break him, or at least send him a step closer to it. It makes guilt sink heavily in Korra's stomach. She's been through this. She should have known what his silence could have meant.

After Naruto disappeared, Korra wanted at once to scream and to also never speak to anyone again. And the inability to achieve both of those things at once was as jarring as anything else. No route towards being satisfied. Towards understanding.

She stands there dumbly, unsure what to say as she bounces Atka on her hip, a steady and instinctive motion. But her face says it all.

I'm so sorry.

Steph blanches and glances over at Korra, but she looks just as unsure of what to do as Steph herself. Angry guilt fills her up, that same kind of helpless fury she feels on the streets when Robin is too late to help someone. But...this isn't something she can fix. She can't bring back Billy's friends or family, she can't even go after the person who took them away to get some flimsy kind of recompense.

He's lost so much, and it's not fair. And she can't fix it. But she has to do something, even if it won't be enough.

Steph goes to sit beside him on the sofa and nods her head to the other side to try to encourage Korra to do the same. "I'm sorry," she says and tentatively puts her hand on his shoulder. Not sure if this would help or make things worse. "It's- it's really utterly bullshit. And I'm sorry that she-- left. That so many other people have too. It's really screwed up, and I'm sorry."

"How come other people get people that stay?" Billy said. He knew that everybody lost people eventually, and maybe that was part of the problem. Maybe how life worked was just messed up and flawed. It didn't matter how good or bad you were, that only sometimes had to do with whether or not people stayed in your life.

His fists were clenched so tight that he could hear his knuckles cracking. He wanted to punch something, to turn into Shazam and level an entire mountain. Billy appreciated what Steph was saying, he knew that he was lucky that she was here for him right now. But it was only for right now. The same with Korra, they both cared about him and they would both leave him eventually.

"What about when either of you leave? I don't- I don't know what I'd do I- Someone just tell me what I need to do or stop doing to make people stay. I'll do it, I promise."

Maybe it's the terse tone of Billy's voice, or maybe it's the unnatural quiet coming from Steph and Korra. Whatever it is, Atka whimpers and doesn't take the tension well, and Korra quickly turns to press a comforting kiss to his head before closing the distance and settling by Billy's side, resting a hand on his free shoulder. She gives it a squeeze, and gives Steph a brief look of solidarity.

They can't really fix the situation, but they can make sure that Billy isn't alone.

"I don't think that's how it works," she says softly, swallowing thickly. "Even if we figure out how to stop the city from taking people away, it's... a part of life for people to eventually separate. No one stays together for eternity. Life's a cycle, you know? But we can still make most of the time that we get with one another. And, I know not everyone believes in reincarnation here, but I do. I think the strongest friendships last multiple lifetimes."

She rubs Billy's back in slow, steady circles, but doesn't try to soothe him or tell him everything's going to be okay. Steph knows all about that anger, even if there's no one to strike out at. Even if it might not be helping him feel better, at least he's talking, so Steph nods at Korra's words and keep talking.

"Korra's right. Even if things feel like the end, they might not be. I know someone who came back from the dead- like, not a zombie or Jesus or anything. Just because...the world's really weird and complicated." That sounds really weak, so to make up for it Steph...just...keeps...talking.

"And parallel universes on top of everything else, right? There are universes where the three of us never met, and then ones where we're like, I don't know, evil versions of ourselves with mustaches and sexy threesomes. And one where Alex never left, or Alex was never here, or Alex was a cyclops with a unicorn horn. We got stuck with the one with lots of pain and lots of joy and no unicorns..." Oh, God, what the hell is she saying. Mortified, she tries to wrap it up. "But...at least for now we're together?"

He had heard it all before. That it was about the time you did get to spend with people and not the fact that they would never leave. Everybody left eventually, no one got to stay forever. But Billy had never heard it from people that cared about him so much. Billy couldn't remember his parents although he liked to think that they had loved him. There was no doubt that Steph and Korra cared about him though. For them he could at least try.

"You are terrible at this, you know? But the fact that you're trying, that means a lot," Billy said, finally turning to Steph as he wiped at the tears from the edges of his eyes that threatened to fall. He tried to give her a smile to show that he wasn't really all that upset. Turning to Atka and Korra he reached out to sooth the baby by running his fingers along his fine hair. "And I'm sorry I upset you, Atka. And it's selfish to feel this way when you've lost someone too, Korra."

"Wow, I... really didn't follow any of that," Korra admits after Steph's long, winding answer about the different universes that any of them could be in, and the impact that it could have had on their personalities. She kind of gets it, in theory. Maybe. Simplistically. But when Korra stops to think too much about all the different ways she could have turned out, it just feels like kind of a headache. Maybe a little scary, too. (The first thing that pops to her mind is, admittedly, a world in which Amon won.)

"But terrible or not, you're right. We're trying as hard as we can," Korra confirms with a grin. "Because that's all you can really do, right? That's all I've got for you, buddy. The fact that I will fight tooth and nail to make sure we get as much time with each other as we can. And hey, no need to apologize to me for bringing up something familiar. Actually, it's... I mean, the real terrible thing is that it helps. Knowing that I'm not the only one in this position. I hate that it was you, Billy, but it's also nice knowing that I'm not alone."

Atka stares up at Billy, lips parted, nose twitching at the brush of fingers through his hair.

"Yeah, sorry, I'm the worst," Steph apologizes, nose wrinkling in embarrassment, but Billy is at least trying to smile so maybe it helped a little bit.

She nods decisively when Korra does. Probably smarter to go along with what she's saying than rick rambling again. "Yup. We're here for you. We're going to have so much quality time together you'll get sick of us."

"You're the best girlfriend I've ever had," Billy said, trying to give Steph a reassuring smile. He thought he did a pretty good job of it, especially considering that Steph absolutely was the best girlfriend he'd ever had. Even if she was his only one.

"And you won't ever be alone as long as we're here," he reassured her Korra as he reached out and squeezed Steph's hand. "And I'm pretty sure that you two will get sick of me before I get sick of you."

Is Korra able to completely ignore her sense of jealousy? No, of course not. She's only human. Watching Billy and Steph talk to one another brings back sharp memories of the way Korra was able to rely on Naruto before he vanished, and between this and talks she's had with Sam, Korra can't help but wonder if she'll never be able to experience anything quite as close or strong again. It's possible.

But it's not a reason to dampen those who still have that blessing in their lives. So she grins, holding Atka closer to herself and rocking him just enough that the baby starts to be lulled back into sleep.

"Hey, I won't promise not to get sick of either of you. But I can promise that I'll want you guys to stick around even during the worst of it. Avatar's honor," she says with a laugh, raising her hand in salute.

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For Korra and Steph

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