Friday, late-night waffles with Steph
"We should come here in the morning sometime," Billy said, taking another bite of waffles and choking it down. Normally late night waffles with Steph were delicious but right now his stomach was so nervous and twisted up he thought he might throw up. Still, he had paid for the waffles and a part of him still refused to pay for food and not eat it.
"See if the waffles are still this good when we don't have to walk through the bad part of town late at night for them."
"See if the waffles are still this good when we don't have to walk through the bad part of town late at night for them."
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"Okay, so then maybe we should find a place on the nice side of town that has, I don't know, pulls pork sandwiches for breakfast?" He asked. That might not be the opposite of this but it was probably close. It was hard to think right now he was so nervous.
"Or maybe it's the company. Maybe you make my waffles taste good."
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"You're my hero, Steph," he said, stomach fluttering at the words. He should say something now, before he lost his nerve or something happened.
"Speaking of which, I was wondering if you wanted to do something together sometime. Like, a specific thing, at a specific time and place. With, uh, with me. Like a, uh, a, um, you know, a date."
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"Hanging out different than what we're doing now?"
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That wasn't a yes. Oh shit, he never should have asked. This was totally just a friend thing, of course it was a friend thing. Why would anyone like Steph want to go out with someone like him? He probably was suppose to like... Compliment her more or something. Why did he do this? Why didn't he ask Alex or Frigga or ANYONE for advice?
"Just, uh, just forget it. Heh, nevermind, it was a stupid question. Um, more waffles? We need another order of waffles, right?"
Man, the walk back was so going to suck.
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Billy had to resist the urge to just run out of the place. That would be a super shitty thing to do to Steph though. He didn't want her to think that there was anything wrong with her, this was all him being a mess.
"I mean, what I had planned wasn't really that romantic. But, um, but as more than friends? Maybe? If you don't want that's fine, that- I can understand if you don't."
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"It's just that...I am a hot mess." Even that much of an admission feels like too much to say aloud, but Steph pushes on. "I just have all this stuff from home and just- big old pile of crazy. And I don't want to ruin things or hurt you because I'm a massive screw-up, you know?"
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"And I don't know everything about your life back in your world but I have super crazy issues because my parents disappeared and then the foster system and... I don't think you're a screw up. Whatever screw-uppy mess you think you are... you seem to pretty awesome around me sooooo... you should hang around me more, right?"
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She puts her head in her hands because she's suddenly about to cry. "I just don't want anything to happen to you, okay? I have bad luck, something could happen."
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"But you're worth it!" Billy said, blurting it out before he could even really think about it. "You're smart and funny and brave. You're- you're so fun to be around and I- I've never felt- I've never met anyone I thought was special enough to ask because... the idea of even holding hands with someone kind of freaks me out... except when I think about it with you."
And there it was. He was a giant, stupid mess. Physical contact freaked him out unless it was fighting someone. Sometimes he was sure he'd rather get punched in the face than hugged and he just blurted all that out to Steph. There was no way she was going to agree now and it looked like the idea of it was making her cry. Damn it.
"I'm- I'm sorry," he said, standing up and pulling out a wad of money to leave on the table. "I shouldn't have asked you, I'm sorry to upset you. Friday night after the zoo closes ask for Frank at the gate. He'll let you in to help bottle feed the baby bats. I'm sorry."
With that, Billy walked quickly out of the diner so that no one would see he was so angry at himself he was about to cry.
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Now she really does start to cry, which is stupid and awful because she hates crying in front of anyone. She's guilty and hates herself for making Billy look so upset, for ruining something good just like always. When he'd gone and said about the nicest things she's ever heard, even if Tim liked her so much he'd never said it out loud.
"I'm sorry," she calls louder to him. "I want to go feed the baby bats. With you, I want to go. I really like you. I'm sorry. I'm all screwed up."
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"I shouldn't have run out either, that's shitty. I- I'll pay for a cab or something if you don't want to walk back with me."
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Would there really be so big a difference, if they went to the zoo and friends and then went to the zoo and called it a date? She felt stupid for freaking out and even worse for making Billy upset.
She wipes at her eyes and tries to stop sniffling like the weepy crazy person she's become. "Look- I'm sorry I freaked out. Can we just pretend it didn't happen? I'm just- got a lot going on. But that have to impact our...thing here."
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"We can just go as friends if that would be better," he said. As much as he was glad that she wanted to go with him (even if it was just because only he would 'get it'?) if doing it as a date would be too weird for her they could just go as friends. He'd gone about this in the completely wrong way apparently and just wanted to salvage whatever he could so that she wouldn't be upset. Seeing someone you cared about so upset was the worst.
"I just- I just want whatever will make you happiest."
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"No, let's do it." Saying it feels brave and stupid all at once. God, she really is a mess, and she almost warns Billy off all over again. But Steph shoves that feeling down with a nod. "Let's just try it. As a date. And just...see how it goes?"
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"I'd rather have a date go bad and admit it and just stick with friends than trying to force something."
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"Are you kidding? My stomach was so upset because of how nervous I was I think I was going to puke," Billy said with a laugh, holding his stomach as just the memory of it causes it to churn.
"I think you just saved me from puking in the bathroom."
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"And my teenage outburst of angst isn't going to get us banned for life?" he asked. Because now that it was over it seemed really, really stupid and something that could have totally been dealt with by talking calmly and not freaking out. So much for being super mature.
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"You weren't that crazy," Billy said, unable to hide a grin. They had both been kind of ridiculous but hopefully they were better now. Well, maybe not all the way better but not quite the mess they had been a moment ago.
"And I still really, really want to go on a date with you so neither of us blew it, right?"